we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
