I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I deserve this hangover.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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