allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
