glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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