soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
