Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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