her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
