Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
