I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
