Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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