what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
