god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
