Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
