I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
