lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
