Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
