He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
