He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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