Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
