Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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