i may or may not be watching the land before time
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
