We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
