There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
