He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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