some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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