I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
