...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
