he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
