So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My day in three words: secret purse cake
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
