she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
