My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
