His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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