Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
