i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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