So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
