it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
