Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
