i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
