Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
