The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
