You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
