yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
