your thong is hanging out like whoa
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
