I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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