I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
