Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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