Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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