The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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