Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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