Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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