omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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