just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just threw up on my dentist
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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